Signed, A Broken Little Sister

Dear Brothers,

I know that you are blissfully unaware

of the extent of my pain,

of the depth of my despair.

I know that if I opened up to you

that you might not drop everything

but you would help me work through

all of the nights spent crying.

I know you would try to lift my spirits

when I felt like dying.

I'm sorry I don't let you in.

I'm sorry I'm a mistake.

My happiness is a sin.

I'm sorry I'm a bother,

because of me, you not only have to be brothers

but sometimes like a father.

Thank you for caring

Dear Bubba,

I know we don't talk much

any more.

But we both lead such

busy lives that time disappears

Don't think it means I love you any less

but I have just fallen victim to my fears 

The ones that tell me I can never be a good enough sister 

the ones that tell me I'm being too clingy. 

the ones that prevent me from uttering even a whisper.

I'm sorry I don't know all of your favorite things.

it takes a lot of communication to learn that stuff. 

And every time I try and talk to you, you grow wings

and fly away to one of your friends.

I'm sorry I get upset.

But the onslaught of torture from the world just never ends.

Thank you for showing me that human contact

isn't so scary

After I was left with a human disconnect

you were the one to actually help

rebuild my trust in humanity.

Thank you for being someone I can tell

all of my troubles to. 

Thanks for calming me down so I don't yell

at the ones who hurt me.

Dear Bubs,

from your fun-loving attitude,

to your caring nature,

any girl would be lucky to have you 

as a brother.

Because you have a wonderful personality, 

unlike any other.

Even though sometimes I don't show it,

I really do appreciate

your famous quick wit.

I'm sorry Im hard to put up with sometimes.

I'm sorry I let other people's words

cut through me like knives. 

I'm sorry I never smile anymore,

I know you hate seeing me cry

because once it starts you know what is in store.

I'm sorry I try so hard to be perfect,

I know it annoys you to see the stress it causes me

but when it's all you know it can be hard to admit

that I'm not actually the girl I pretend to be

Even tho nobody but you and Bubba

ever see that I am crumbling.

I'm sorry I'm clingy.

But I don't have anyone else that I care enough about,

Or who will even put up with me.

I'm sorry I am so unstable.

I know my problems upset you

And make you want to shake me a little.

I'm sorry I make dumb decisions.

Like covering my body

with countless hidden incisions.

Or choosing to be a loner.

and dealing with my emotional issues by

blocking you over and over.

Thank you for keeping me grounded

when the world started to shimmer and blur

and my demons broke free leaving me surrounded.

Thank you for being there

When I thought no one in this world

Would ever care

about me.

Thank you for being my rock,

While also making me feel free

Thank you for being such a good listener.

signed,

A broken little sister