Silence Kills

Day by day the struggle to not stay silent remains. I love to be silent, but you know what? Silence Kills!

As I fall into the black hole that is my own mind, I do not want to grab on to a hand for support. I do not want help. I want nothing. Pure and simple nothing. I want to fade, to be nothing but a distant memory, or perhaps a long forgotten nightmare.

I find safety in silence. Safety that slowly but ever so surely kills me. I rot from the inside out.

Silence makes me feel strong. Silence makes me feel weak. Silence makes me feel like I’ve got this. Silence makes me feel like a failure.

But silence has cost me. It costs everyone. It stole years from me that I will never get back. It stunted me. It damaged me. It damn near killed me, because the cost for silence is death.

Death is not only paid to silence, but silence eventually always comes to collect. For silence nothing but your life and the lives of those you love can be enough.

But guess what? I will be silent no more! I do not want to pay its price. I do not want my loved ones to pay alongside me. I choose to be LOUD! I choose to take up space. I choose LIFE!

Silence, you will have no payment from me. You will get no more of my life. Nothing more will be taken by you, for I choose to have a voice. I choose to get help, and I hope that if you can relate to my now broken silence, that you choose to have a voice too.

Stay safe. Stay LOUD. Stay alive. YOU ARE LOVED! More so than you could ever know. This world’s light would dim were you to pay the price of silence, if you were to leave in silence.

I love you

4/24/2021