Silent anguish

I believe my existence is a blessing

I believe everything that happens was written purposely 

But God, I am not as strong as I thought

I have bruises every time I step on the slope.

When I was a child, you gave me a childhood of violence and exploitation

I was so young then, weak and innocent

But my innocence was robbed with poverty and mistaken identity.

I was a slave in various ways

I’m just no good

I have to do things but deep within, my heart is in pain

I cried out for help, but my cries died in vain.

The darkness of childhood

molds me to be wiser

and selfish in many ways

For me then, life is a battlefield

a mountain that is full of thorns and wild animals

I have to defend myself and climb its roughness

no matter how it cost me

I am just a child…weak, abused and abandoned. 

How could you expect me to fight for my right?

It took me a lot of courage to build my defense.

It took me a ton of hardship

to learn the rhythm of life’s unreasonable plight

Time flies, and here I am.

Strong as it seems, but everything is a front.

People say I am rich, I am powerful, I have everything. 

My dream of reaching the top took place as I planned.

But Dear God, there is no genuine happiness at the top

Where are the people I supposed to share my blessings then? 

Why do I have to be bothered by the past?

I don’t want to turn my back to the nightmares of long-ago

I am done with it

I have created a new world

I have rebuilt my life

Allow me to live my life now

Help me forgive myself and find peace

I feel sorry for the people I have shown cruelty

because of envy and rivalry

I am afraid of my own shadow for the truth will swallow me

and destroy my personality

Dear God, help me.