Silent Cry

I don't understand these thoughts in my head, lately I don't feel like me.

I try to hide how I feel but deep down I want someone to see.

I want them to see my rage, my tears. I want someone to sense my pain. 

I don't say a word, I smile and laugh and just keep silent so nobody thinks I'm insane. 

Sometimes I cry outloud, sometimes my cries aren't heard.

If I make my thoughts known, they will be thought to be absurd. 

I fear being lonely, I fear death and that nobody really loves me. 

Although I am silent about these fears, I would think my sadness would be easy to see. 

But nobody really notices, although sometimes they ask if I'm ok. I say "Yes, I'm fine" 

and nothing else, but deep down I scream " No I'm not, not today". 

I can't be angry that nobody notices, silence can't be heard.

But sometimes, just sometimes I wish my feelings spoke louder than words. 

Most days I am myself and those irratinal thoughts are hidden away.

I am one of the lucky ones. Some people live like this every day. 

I know I am loved and my family is here for me,

but when those dark feelings arise, THAT I no longer can see. 

Sometimes emotions and feelings make me feel like I'm banging my head against a 

wall or like I'm on a tightrope and at any moment I will fall. 

But I can't fall, I have too many blessings and gifts in my life. 

More things to be thankful for, more love than strife. 

So I'll keep crying in silent until I find the courage to shout.

Even if that doesn't happen, I have plenty to keep going for. In that I have no doubt.