To the Silent One

Sat, 12/02/2017 - 11:33 -- mm7

We met at the start of high school

You walked into English

Right before the bell

And sat at the desk closest to the door

Your knees hit the top of the desk

Your frame shadowed the surrounding desks

I sat across the room

In the corner by the window

And watched

As you befriended the rowdy boys

Who sat in the back

And eventually moved there yourself

We sat in opposite corners of the room

Never once acknowledging each other’s presence

Not once speaking to each other

In gym that year

I played 3 on 3 basketball

Against you

Admittedly, your team one

Because you could dunk

Over my short head

And make threes like LeBron James

But I did score a layup on you

Your team was too comfortable

Not expecting much out of the girls

When I drove past you and scored

That was the closest contact I’ve made with you

Until this year

When you sat across from me

In Calculus class

For two months

We sat facing each other

Individually smirking

At our tablemate’s genius skills

Feet touching only once

As you sprawled your legs under my desk

For a quarter of the year

We sat the closest we have ever been

But remained silent

You didn’t greet me

Say hello or goodbye

Or smile

Your smile that ignites

Matches of warmth

From my desk

I noticed your skin tone

Rich like crunchy autumn leaves

But you never noticed mine

Our eyes never met

Both deep brown

Like fertile soil

You failed to start a conversation

With me

Or ask for help

When you clearly didn't understand

After a quarter we moved seats

I watched as you complained

To your new desk partner

About how hard Calculus was

How you were struggling

To hold onto a decent grade

I heard all of this

And remained inactive

When I could have helped

Tutored you to raise your grade

Explained the concepts

You didn’t understand

And I did

But I never approached you

I waited for you to make the first move

During lectures you smiled

The smile of which I wished

To be the recipient

To a different girl in the room

The one that danced

And wore makeup

And belonged to the clique

I watched you flirt with her

Through looks and gestures

Watched you


To her after class

Communicate with her

In ways you never had with me

You both shared the inability

To understand Calculus

She couldn’t help you

Like I could

But I guess you didn’t want help

Over the years

I dreamed of attending your games

Watching your reverse layups

And athletic steals

As your friend

Or maybe more than that

I imagined us getting dinner

On Friday nights after your win

And discussing the sport

We both adore

I pictured us walking to class together

In the hallway

Laughing and smiling

Like other couples

I found Christmas presents

I thought you’d like

And wished I could buy them

For you

But to this day

I have yet to speak to you

Your ignorance of me

Cowardice to speak

Has left me sitting here alone

Writing about everything I once wanted

About my heart that longed for more

About my unrealistic wishes

But I don’t feel that way anymore

Just as you didn’t understand Calculus

I don’t understand you

I guess what I’m trying to say is

I’m no longer in love with you

This poem is about: 
Guide that inspired this poem: 
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741