A Silent Voice trying to Break Free

My body is tired from time spent chasing after somebody, anybody, who might listen.

My voice is hoarse for someone, anyone, to just look at me and see that I am here -that I am in existence.

My eyes are blood-shot from time spent starring up at the ceiling in the pitch black of night, with tears streaming down my face.

My head hurts from all of the racing thoughts competing in my head, fighting to break free and restrain one another from ever seeing the light of day.

My heart aches with the pain of life, the agony of knowing yet not knowing, of feeling deep down like it is breaking, because deep down this heart knows no one wants to listen. 

And yet, if you were to see me going from day-to-day, you would think of no such inner turmoil to ever corrupt my being.

One would say, ¨What a lovely girl¨, after greeting me and seeing a warm smile.

What they don't know is that this smile is but a facade - a mask to the chaos inside.

What they wouldn't know is that this smile is but a way for me to cope with everything I so desperately want to say, but may never have the courage to speak out loud.

What they couldn't know is that smile is hurting on the inside; depression and anxiety ripping its way through me with nothing but tight-closed lips and shakey hands to hold the tattered mess of this body together.

No one could ever see how I feel on the inside, but the emotions that toy around in the depths of my conscience are all too real for me.

No one can ever see that I am yearning to just burst free, to scream out and yell.

No one ever sees how tired I am, from all of my energy being spent controlling myself...

They could never know because I am always silent... a mute at the hands of my own thoughts and emotions.

So, to escape from their clutches, I write. I write and I write until there are tears streaming down my face and onto the pages. 

Until my fingers cramp up and there is a crick in my neck. Until I scribble all the words down that I want, that I so desperately need, to say. 

And so, I write these words to express... my emotion... my convictions... my entire being.

I write to release this pent-up madness inside, to find a way to cope with my reality.

I write poetry to find myself, and to leave something behind so that others can find me.

I write poetry in the name of a Silent Voice trying to break free.