Silently

Dreams laugh and smile until I'm blue From lack of sleep and touch They sing and ask me to stay true- As if I wasn't such! But true to dreams and true to me Are two different paths indeed  Even if the dream's a cup of tea I can't forget my lawful creed "To abstain until I'm back This I'll do and do with pride" I've forgotten just how much I lack When trying to match that stride So here I am a fool and sin In a year I meant for good Caught under a sharp grey pin Without a cloaking hood I'm a fake without a call Not a rise but quite the fall And pain still hits me when it's tall Loud and clear I hear it all What if I'm not good enough To live the life I crave Avoiding sin and evil stuff Until I reach my grave What if I'm not good enough To make the choice of white Instead I'll try a hopeless bluff And dim my only light..... What if I'm not good enough To teach my dream the truth The life I live is not just a cuff Or an inner ploy of youth... Instead I'm actually childish Immature and unprepared For when I got my wish I silently stood and stared...... silently....  A wish to scream was granted me Yet screaming there was none A wish to prove myself to you But I stopped 'fore I was done The words which often plagued me In my simple form of art Were locked deep underneath a key And refused then to depart So sitting there in silence  Was all that I could do So sitting there in silence Made me realize I don't get you....