Silver

I looked at her when I said it

I ignored the holes in her ceiling

And the bloodstains in her carpet

Just beneath the left side of the bed

Where she kept her worn and dust-free suitcases

I did not lock eyes with her ex-boyfriend

Trapped in the picture frame on the dresser

Or with my own reflection

Listening in through the doorway

From the bathroom mirror

I tightened my grip on the nothing between my fingers

I painted my knuckles white as the dress that I knew was hanging in the closet

And I took a shallow breath to steady my lips

-

I looked her dead in the eye when I said it 

(Some puns give birth to themselves)

I saw the sliver of silver in her left eye

Otherwise bluer than my own

And I saw her curiosity

Incessantly knocking upon every door

She ever came to

"I killed my last girlfriend"

To no reply

"I slit her throat with kisses she was owed but did not own

And I buried her body in a river of bitter nostalgia

Unsettling the dirt in yet another (river) bed

With the weight of her overflowing promises"

-

I looked into her soul

To the rhythm of her steady, unshaken breaths

Guided by the light of the sun in the clear sky behind her eyes

And did not find the fear

That I had hoped would drive her to save herself

But instead retraced my steps in time

To find these words taking flight from her lips:

"Kill me"