The Silver Lining of Darkness

Behind my eyes, there was a darkness I cannot begin to describe No one could really look into them for fear of being contaminated by my somber expression I felt obscure but no one had the patience to know why, and neither did I It felt like no one cared and I was the only one thinking about me at the time And if it seemed liked they might, I grew suspicious of their intentions as to why No one cares too much or at least they lack to demonstrate such empathy As humans, we can be too narcissistic when it comes to problems not personally affecting us It seems senseless to loath oneself so much now but they say hindsight is always 20/20 At the time, I couldn’t understand life or purpose or myself in a world full of hatred I only thought that I could no longer prolong my melancholic existence I needed to end it somehow I came up with so many ways but I did not go through with any of them I couldn’t take it anymore but I knew my family could not afford a funeral and I felt I wasn’t worth the expense I thought everyone would be upset, not because I died, but because of the debt they were left with Left with that and all their unanswered questions, I would leave along with their peace of mind I had little self-worth But not anymore I came out of that difficult time to where I am now No longer depressed and suicidal No longer discouraged at the world and the people who inhabit it My anger had subsided I appreciate life so much more at this very moment than I had ever before Everything seems that much more beautiful and people that much more wonderful I am fascinated with all I have yet to experience I no longer feel ashamed because of those disgusting thoughts I am proud that I have lived through pain and suffering because I endured Had I not made it I would not have the relationship with my mother and father I have now I could not have made them proud to call me their daughter I would not have graduated high school and had those memories that accompany it I could not have made it to college and achieved so much while in my short time there I would not have all the friends I have today, ones that truly care about me I could not have known all that I have learned Seen all I have seen Heard all I have listened to Sensed all I have sensed Memories and experiences that could have easily escaped my life had things been different Had I might not made it But I was given second opportunity instead To live and to laugh and to love and to grow into the person I am today With a life full of everything I didn’t think I could have and with so many people in it I could not have asked for more Almost committed a mistake that I could not regret because I would not be alive to do so And that I recognized the worth of my life is more than I thought It is: Amazing, Incredible, Unbelievable, Astonishing, Magnificent, Beautiful, Overwhelming, And Important