A Simple Hello
The day I walked by you,
I knew what a shame I had puzzled my piece into.
Nothing but,
"Don't look at me, look the other way"
reluctantly ringing in the drums of my ears,
echoing back vibrations
of guilt, shame, and pitty
that Mary herself
would not hail with forgivness.
God only knows the srength it would take
to see your face,
unnanounced,
and tug its way over
to say something as seemingly simple as
"Hello"
....awkward pause.....
And to pretend to accept
the love and excitement in your eyes,
so genuine,
yet knowing the whole time
you gave up the fight years ago.
And to stand there
when we both know and believe
that I won't call or try to find you
and reconnect and remind you
that at one point you sang me to sleep,
and cradled prayers into my dreams.
I'll ask how you are
and stand there nodding my head,
pretending I don't remember
the tracks and the treads on your arms
that wrapped around me
after the first time
I had seen my mother
in my first five years
and yet somehow
she wasn't very warm and endearing,
instead,
she was distant and sickly.
And I didn't understand why.
Why would my mother be bony and sad
and wrinkled with age.
You ask me where I'm working
and what I'm up to these days,
and we'll both ignore
the obvious nervous tone
in your guilt ridden face.
The shame that you carry
when I look in your eyes,
and you look away.
I'll answer the same
and attempt a genuine
"Thanks for asking, I can tell you really care." look
but I can never quite wipe the
"You're full of shit"
off of my face.
We'll look at each other,
you want to talk and be friends,
while I'm itchinng my way out
of this hellish nightmare
your drug induced
aroma therapy coma
selfishly strung you out
as it sucked me in.
As I continue to smile
I'll say good bye.
You'll reach for a real hug
and I'll present my side.
As I'm walking away
something inside you says maybe,
just maybe one more time it's worth a shot,
even if it is a dying fight.
"You know, you can call me or come by"
and I'll turn and fake smile,
"Maybe....sometime..."
....awkaward silence...
And you'll have a twinge in your eye,
your heart flutters then dies
because we both know
how this conversation would go
if I actually came up to you and said hi.
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