A Sinful Smile, a Rotten Heart

Safe and sound; away from all.

Away from hurt, depression, and oppression.

They feared I wouldn’t survive in a place they thought I didn’t belong.

Ne’er did a smile leave my face in the crowds with others,

Nor did my heart wish to hate.

I understood their point, maybe I wasn’t up for reality.

I didn’t want to be someone who had to answer a call and struggle to forgive or be forgiven.

But how did they know?

I was never given a chance to be and try to live in a world

Where words are thrown like seemingly harmless pebbles in a pond.

Cause ne’er has a smile left my face in a crowd,

Or my heard wished to hate.

I was never given a chance to live and try,

Cause I was hidden away.

Never had I escaped the walls of security.

High fenced walls keeping the evils of the world out of the room I stayed in.

Walls deemed safe, yet held more evil than in a playground.

I had no control.

I only knew to be,

Because I had no experience of how to act.

So though never did a smile leave my face in the crowds,

Nor has my heart wished to hate,

Was I no better than the people around mw who gossiped behind each other’s backs?

Hurting each other; and me, not doing anything to stop it.

I didn’t have a story,

Cause I was kept hidden.

Thus I kept telling myself.

But, do I have an excuse to be just as evil because I have no experience?

Or was I to do what I preached and stop the evil in my house?

Maybe a smile should leave my face as I defend the one who is hurt.

Maybe it is okay for me to look at someone unforgivingly until they ask for repentance. 

No, a smile has not yet left my face in the crowds,

Nor have I thought to hate someone except myself.

Because, I have realized,

I am no better than those I was kept from.

I am a survivor of the worst kind. 

I live, but do nothing.

I was kept hidden because they believed me incapable of handling the world.

Little do they realize I am just as bad—if not worse—than those on the outside.

It is time fro me to make calls,

To ask for forgiveness.

I may not hate,

And I may always smile.

But never did I help.