Sister
Location
The day you left,
I felt nothing.
Partly because it
Was at 2 in the morning,
But mostly because
I was trying to process what was happening.
Why did you run away that night?
Running from your troubles, I assume.
You had me help you pack,
And load up the truck.
I helped you write your goodbye note.
And I watched you drive away.
After I ran upstairs,
I called you to tell you how proud I was.
Why was I proud?
Because we did it
Successfully
Without waking anyone up?
Why was I proud?
Looking back now,
I wish you wouldn’t have
Left so quickly.
You were going to leave
Eventually.
But you could have done it
During the day
And with the consent of
Our father.
He misses you,
I suppose.
I know I do.
Maybe one day
You’ll come back
And father won’t be mad
And our aunts won’t hate you.
Maybe it could be
During Christmas?
I’m going to be terribly
Lonely on that day.
This will be my
First Christmas
Without you.
I suspect
I won’t enjoy it
As much as I
Normally would
With you there.
Who’s going to make fun of me
When I refuse to stop playing
With my geeky gadgets?
I don’t want to wake up
And open presents
With these strangers
I’m supposed to refer to
As family.
I want to open presents
With you
And dad.
I want to see
The matching
Clothes our father
Gives us.
Who’s going to sit at the
Opposite end of the buffet
And open gifts?
Who am I going to talk to
When we go to grandma’s house?
I think Christmas
Is my least
Favorite holiday now.
But every other holiday
Is now
A close second.
I miss you.
And I wish
You would come back.
Not for dad,
And not because everyone wanted you to.
But for me.
I know you never will,
Though
I knew that
The second
You told me
You were leaving.
There is no one
To help me with math.
I no longer have your room
To cry in.
And I no longer
Get woken up
At midnight
To hear about
Your amazing night.
I will always
Long for you
To come home
But I know
That if I were
You
I wouldn’t
Come back
Either.