six months ago

six months ago
I remember the air was still crisp with the scent of spring dew
the cherry blossoms on our cherry tree just beginning to bloom
six months ago everything around me had a whole life ahead of it
and I was supposed to be dead
sitting in the bathtub, fully clothed in the water so as to not burden anyone with my own nakedness
hands shaking as I traced lines in my wrists
if I blurred my eyes I could almost convince myself they were just tattoos
angry, red tattoos that seeped down my arms into the water 
so, maybe it wasn't so convincing
six months ago I went to the hospital for ten days
they diagnosed me with a broken head
they stuffed me with pills that were supposed to fix me
and made me promise to never come back

three months ago I was back
the doctors talked over me
and agreed my head was more broken than they had expected
I stayed this time for 21 days
more pills, more promises
only this time I was self aware enough to know I would never be able to keep those promises.