Slam Poem 2

The first time I heard it I was in 8th grade The next in 9th 
The next in 10th 
And now every time I hear it I close my eyes and I scream because should love be such a game?

I hear the words I love you forever and it echoes and echoes halls of broken promises with locked doors holding back memories of pain and guilt and suffering and I'm expected to say them and know 3 months. 8 months. 1 year and 6 months.

And then forever is gone spit in my face and killing me and no one hears the screams of a broken heart locked inside ribs You spend your nights and your days trying to be the person for them curled hair makeup and skirts. Flat stomachs and bikini bodies but what world do we live in if you can't love someone without them reading the fine print Excuse me when I didn't know I couldn't be your forever unless I took off my clothes. 

Should my feelings really be locked behind closed doors I'm sorry I couldn't make you smile enough to love me more I'm sorry I cried and I'm sorry i felt I'm sorry your time with me wasn't more perfect and I'm damn for sure sorry that I didn't do a better job of containing my thoughts because when you said forever my hopes got on another level and you pulled me all the way up with you and then threw me down I'm sorry I didn't level up in the game of make you feel better about yourself 

Stop 
What am I saying. 
What are we saying. 

Love isn't a game of who can hide their feelings more 
So stop using words you don't know I'm not sorry that I cried and I'm not sorry I felt and I'm not sorry your time with me wasn't perfect because this wasn't a hotel visit this was my heart and you so dearly held the key and watched me grit my teeth and suffer behind your words. I'm not sorry I couldn't contain how I felt because you don't date people for their looks. When you are with someone you should hold their feelings close to your own so why were your feelings on a gold throne and mine a dog with a bone? 
So girls. 
Guys. 
Be yourself and embrace who you are, your a god damn treasure and someone is going to realize that sooner or later they won't make you change your hair or your weight or your clothes they'll see the gold that you are and keep you like a fallen star. Just be careful with your heart you have to keep a watch on it from the start because it's easy to get lost down the path of guys and girls loving your looks but it's hard in this sex infested world to find someone who actually loves you for you. 

The first time I heard it I was in 8th grade The next in 9th 
The next in 10th 
And when I hear it again. I won't close my ears and I won't scream. I'll say good bye to the hall of broken promises and locked doors because the next time I say it I'm damn for sure going to mean it.