SLE

Exhaustion and pain seemingly never-ending. Grown to be a part of my bed. The sheets and pillows are my home. It seems as if I shall never leave. Unrealism sets in. And I question. Could it just be in my head? My attempts to walk, to eat, prove otherwise. The pain “reassures” my doubts. Prick. Let the blood drain out. Prod. Let the pain rush in. Testing, questions, time goes on. Finally a diagnosis: SLE. Treatment ensues. Pills. IVs. Yet the real treatment lies within. My capacity for normality diminished, I struggle to find a way to live. The sun now my enemy, rest my greatest friend. One day able to walk for miles, Another unable to climb a step. A constant battle between my body, and itself. My heart, however, saves me. I find solace here where my Christ lives. The strength of my body, unable to lift a few pounds. Yet the strength of my spirit, able to move mountains. Still nights I lay, the pain riveting. Tears pour down my cheeks. The promise of morning, of hope, I try to feel. My spirit falters, but my God never fails. Morning finally meets me, a new day. Though I struggle to climb out of bed, The smile on my face I cannot hide – My heart swells with song. My soul, dance. In my suffering, I have received much. Hope, strength, and love anew. Through my pain I am made humble, Through my lupus I am made – me.