Walking around all day, feeling like shit. The night before was 

difficult, whilst laying on my pit.

I lie down at night, feeling totally spent.  An hour or two quickly

passes by and then wide awake again.

My mind oft goes into over drive during the darkened night.

Re-playing over again the events of the day. 

Feeling tense, stressed and crazy is the drink I call horlicks.

Staring at 4 walls for hours on end is a general 'ting' I do. 

Shouting, swearing at those I know, a common form of foul

play.

Do I take those pills in the end, to knock me out, to give me a

half days clarity?

The day is shit, the night time worse, oh what is the point of 

living with me. 

Knowing I could exit at any time is very attracting.

Yet I battle on regardless thinking things may change, with 

Einstein in my head, is something I can see. 

As try as I might to change things for me, I'm still on the

hamster's wheel, turning constantly.

Reading about Ray - and how he views the world - as a machine

objectively.

Great men such as him are now where I go, go to university.

I know things are changing, morphing in my life, on this journey.

Where I go, who I become, is now all a deep dream to me.