Sleepiest Form of Fear

all I can hear is the faint buzz of a tv but it gets louder and louder until I cant take it I cant do anything about it but distract because its not intrusive it's blank it sits and it waits for me to stare at it and make something out but I only hear the buzz I flick it on and it's more shadowy it moves with the weight of a dark cloud transient, out of reach, but present just present in the room I cant ignore it I cant suppress it I cant focus on it because it will not take me away and it will not bring me back it will only reside in the house of my mind where I fear and hate with a loathing so strong I wonder if it loves. I have always felt this I remember the terror of the sound of the tv buzzing with that faint, shivering scrape across the empty living room to the cold, concrete garage where I sit and wait to be carried inside because I am too afraid and intrigued and tired to walk