Free Verse

Sleeping with the Fishes

by Cadence Shifflett

April 5, 2022

The current gripped his body

Dragged him towards boundless blue

He held a hand out, desperate,

Just to reach aquatic brew

Fish fins zipped around, tickled his face, brushed at his hair

Caressed his cheek so gently as if preparing him for slumber

He peeked at them just barely, but sure that they would scare,

He shut his eyes, and peacefully, he’s now left sinking under

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▾ This Poem's Voice

Your Poem's Voice

Blends personal drowning experience with abstract meditation on surrender and acceptance.

Multiple vivid images and ideas packed densely: drowning, desperation, fish interaction, surrender.

Begins dark/desperate but shifts toward peaceful acceptance; mixed valence overall.

Active verbs (gripped, dragged, zipped, tickled) create kinetic intensity tempered by final stillness.

Eight lines total; falls in 7-15 line range.

Rich metaphors (boundless blue, aquatic brew), personification (fish caress), simile-like comparisons throughout.

Pure lyric internal voice; first-person sensory experience, no narrative or dramatic distance.

Free Verseelegynaturemetaphor personification alliteration enjambment

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Comments (4)

939761Apr 6, 2022

The tone seems driven, meanwhile the mood seems desperate before turning calm.Personification of the current dragging him down to the alliteration of "boundless blue" is really nicely done. It adds tension to the story while slowly easing into the calm.The break between the two stanzas helps with the transition from him being frantic to calm.

AbanApr 6, 2022

The tone of this pem seems to be compliancy, because the subject eventually gives in to the enevitable drowning. The last sentence seems a bit out of place, and does not fit well, perhaps a rearrangement of the words. The story is resolved nicely with the last sentence, but the formatting is odd. My favourite piece of the poem would have to be the fifth line, because it appeals to the mind using imagery, The word choices for rhyme patterns were very unique and fitting for the complexity of the story, even with the chaos expressed in the first stanza.

931535Apr 6, 2022

Stage: Dark to light vibes. Frantic to acceptanceLanguage & Lit. Devices: I like the imagery with the line "The current gripped his body" It's an amazing dive into the poemStructure & Layout: I think the last line would do better If moved up a bit! Amazing poem great job!<div> </div><div> </div>

Lexi S.Apr 6, 2022

The tone seems desperate and frantic, then it slowly become calmer. I loved the phrase, "Dragged him towards boundless blue." It really set the scene for the poem. The only sentece I thought didn't make that much sense was, "He peeked at them just barely, but sure that they would scare." It didn't really fit in with the way the poem was going. The structure that you wrote this poem in makes a lot of sense, and it really helps with the message you are trying to get across. The way I read it was the boy was drowning. So in the beginning he is frantic and trying to fight against the pull of the current, but then he gives in and is dragged down into the deep dark depths of the water. The break you put in the middle especially helped with this message and change of emotion. Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. The imagery was great and the clear tone/emotion was amazing. Great job!

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