Sloppy Truths

A story that's unfinished but should be written. Born to man and woman of a different pigment, sinister to society we are the children, white side I went without but somehow to my mama I'm indifferent. Cause I'm not like the other kids my daddy's white, fist fights at the park with other girls cause my skin was light. Mama didn't put us thru school for a year so I fell behind. I stole at the corner stores cause my mama said it was the only way it'd be fine. My mother struggled to a drug addiction my brother struggled thru affliction. I struggled with insecure emotions potions in the kitchen. Saw my mama get beat, brutal heat in the streets. She had an addiction to sex the eventually caught up to me. I didn't understand seeing a naked grown man, my mama cried for days when I explained how it felt in my hand. I couldn't comprehend, I didn't want it to happen again, lived my life a day at a time without a friend. Mouth full of gaps loss my hair with stress I couldn't pretend, lost all my respect for men and still ended up clinging to them in the end. Followed my mother through her sins, through hells gate and back again, too many men she's with that don't come back again. I see the correlations when I am asleep in my bed, T showed me something I'll never get out out my head. My daddy wants to kill him but id rather him kill his guilt instead. When I was 9 years old I had to make a decision, should I stay home and get my mama sent away for malnourishment of her children? I left that house with no shoes just the clothes on my back, my older brother and my younger one in my lap. Walked a mile trying to find a place until we were safe, didn't work out how we planned when we took a chance with faith. My mama won't forgive herself she'll use and use till it kills, pop out some more babies who are born addicted to her pills. I'll move in with my daddy cause I ain't got no other place to hide, my granny's getting old and my mama I can't rely. My father wanted to make up time, but he fell to far behind. He thought he could buy my love but All he did was fall short to crime. All he did was waste his life doing time, living fast for his kids but really it was himself on his mind. I fell into a depression at 15 tried to take my life. Hang my self from my closet cause I thought I was all I could sacrifice. And some days are cold and lonely and I forget why I'm this way, I look back and I missed out on being a child I'm an old soul I was made this way. I can't begin to say how much I truly changed but in the same perspective goddamn I am the same. I'm addicted to the feeling of love learned addiction from my mother. I get angry with myself I give up just like my brother. I prefer isolation just like my father, I don't depend on a single soul cause I'm his daughter. I give second chances I can't afford to give, I'm just a mess but I'm blessed I endured all I did. One day I'll give a better life to my kids one day I'll understand why this is the life I was meant to live.