Slow

September 30, 2013

Please go slow,

I can’t process emotions like all the others do.

I twist my fingers, twindle my thumbs,

The thought of you, of anyone coming closer to me,

Makes my mind go numb.

It’s like I react with a push, a shove, I step away, I slip away, from any emotion that could eventually Hurt me.

I’m scared wreckless of feeling my heart pulse, my stomach drop, I turn to adrenaline for those feelings.

Love scared me off before, and now I’m scared of love. Sick to my stomach,

I clutch for something permanent.

Is anything permanent? My parents weren’t.

The cold winter brought tears and heartache, Paper white skin, and Strawberry blood.

And in the dead of night, tears came pouring out, Because I learned that permanence and I, Didn’t see eye to eye.

So Please go slow, Because maybe you’ll be different, Maybe you won’t fill my veins with the same numb context,

The same words spit out, that never formed, The same lies, that I picture developing, That leave me so fed up,

That I push away.

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