SNOOZE

Part One

I’ve never admit it to myself

Until this year

Inexperienced with the bubbles that surround me

Mystifying, enigmatic, entrancing, too soon bursting

You are one of these fizzes

That I just can’t sway

Touch, hold, create, and have

All I can do is stare

Trace your trail

Some say you are amongst a thousand others

But all I feel near is you

You dictate my emotions

Without even knowing you hold filaments

I’m in my own hell

Solid, choking my ankles, holding me down

Not letting me deploy where I want

Biting my lip, I watch her wrench the cords that hold you down

The cement latched onto my skin

Rough, a murky grey, slowly lacing up my legs

Taking over my body

I can’t control any of this

Part Two

You’re as chained down as I am

All of these passions that gravely rouse for you

Aren’t inconsequential, they’re unique from what I’ve ever experienced

I see every side of you

From the esteemed to the misconstrued, along with tarnishes

That makes every human electrifying

It’s not confusing; there are no dissipated highs and lows

Butterflies don’t permeate my gut

It’s a chaste silence of joy

When I talk to you

When I am close to you

I ache for you

It’s simple

What I feel for you

I’ve known it,

Never really wanting to concede

Because I knew my scraps  

Would end in dolor

I’d rather be confused and push things away

Let the sensations hiss until disintegration

Instead of knowing what is inside

Is real.

Knowing what is true

Not being able to change the situation

Fills me with friction

Part Three

It yanks my soul every time I see you distressed

With a new infatuation

Chronically rejected

And I am here, standing by your side

Somehow you manage to return to the same person

While I am left grasping your crumbs

This isn’t healthy for who I am

What I undergo

I’ve tried to coerce things

Distract myself

It never works

It isn’t high school love around you

It’s the feeling of my soul imbuing effortlessly

That someone else is there to listen, discuss, with wry humor and intelligence

I veil what I feel around you

Why do you fall for the girl

That you can find anywhere?

Dumb, pretty, manipulative, a gossiping Valley girl

Can’t you see your tactics won’t win over her type?

You are compassionate, smart, and unvalued

You are blinded by her

But am I blinded by you?