so this is what dermatillomania is

Mon, 01/19/2015 - 15:00 -- avollea

it was innocuous at first.

(doesn't it always start off like that?)

my lips were just a little too chapped and

it looked bad,

so i peeled off some of the old skin.

no harm done, right?

then i started wondering if people had

been judging me for always having

such dry skin and i started

picking a little more at

my lips, fingers, and toes.

i climbed the monkey bars a lot and

my hands always had callouses and blisters.

and the next thing i knew it

didn't matter if it was old or new skin

i couldn't stop;

if there was a blister i had to get rid of

it by any means i could.

every day i'd finish whatever i was doing and

find that there was a new deep red spot

on my lips, sometimes bleeding,

a new, shallow pit in my skin where

i pulled off the old layer a bit

too early and it hurt, it hurt but

i couldn't stop and i still

can't and my mother is always sighing

and saying, stop picking already, how

many times do i have to ask you that?

but it's not that simple and

yet i kept trying and trying

and the shame was filling me up

until a year ago when i searched

"skin-picking" on google and discovered

that it had a real name.

dermatillomania.

falls under ocd-spectrum disorders.

i cried.

i cried and cried with relief.

i wasn't alone.

this was real.

this was real.

all this time i wondered if i

really was the only person who

suffered from this disorder and

now i had proof that i wasn't.

 

note: dermatillomania may be more common than you think.

but it is hard for people like me to reach out when

we've been picking for so long.

(i've been picking for eleven years.)

if you see someone doing it, please

don't judge them for it.

they may be suffering from this disorder.

as far as i can tell there

are not many treatments because

many doctors and therapists haven't

even heard of this so

just be supportive of that person.

thank you for reading.

Comments

killjoy95

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU

my hands arms and hips are covered with little dry and scabby mosquito bite things and people ask me if i have leprosy. I needed to know what the hell was wrong with me. thank you so much.

avollea

OH GEEZ I THOUGHT I REPLIED EARLIER 0n0 Lots of hugs! I'm glad I could spread the word. Kudos to you, you're doing great! ('v')d Hope you'll be able to get help~ *crawls back under rock of awkwardness*

MVP-Most Valuable Poet

beautifully written

thank you for sharing

the true answer in overcoming this disorder is a strong prayer life

the answer is The Lord and God

keep writing

avollea

Recovery takes time and God takes His own time as well. Until then, I'm doing my best to cope. Maybe I'm failing at that, but I'm trying. Prayer isn't the answer to everything, because prayer is waiting for God to answer me. Prayer is good, but I sure ain't waiting for an answer that may not come for years, maybe decades, if there's something I can do about it.

Also, recovery isn't guaranteed. Some people live with mental illnesses all their lives. I don't know whether I'll be one of those people. Either way, your comment sounds dismissive of mental illnesses in general, and I would like to tell you to kindly refrain from saying that again in the comment sections of my poems. I'm sure it was well-intended, but it's really not helpful, and others may not take it well.

MVP-Most Valuable Poet

the idea is to support fellow poets in all they do 1st off

2nd-i work in mental health clinics developing life giving relationships with people to inspire them that they are overcomers of any difficulties they face

i tell people to have a strong prayer life by believing in God and having faith 

my comments is never insult, not at all

its about having open minds to new horizons, and strengthening one's spirit

i'll pray for you

keep writing and use you creative mind

 

 

 

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