Sobered Up

I’ve never been drunk

Drunk on alcohol

But I’ve been inebriated on the past month

However, I can only lie to myself for so long

Learning from patterns is not a choice

It’s instinct

When I get to talk to you

To waste your time with my ill-conceived words

I inevitably ruin your night

Like misogynistic clockwork

I destroy what little joy I have brought to you

And I don’t know what to do

Like being pumped full of alcohol

My judgement is compromised

I can’t stand up straight, so why would I be able to think that way

It used to be cute when I had a hard time speaking

Now it’s just frustrating

Because I can’t say how much I care

All I can do

Is slur my words together in an attempt to help

But all I do is wound you

My intentions have never wavered

But that doesn’t matter, does it

If I make you cry again, I think I’ll throw up

You tell me that I’m too good for you

And I feel my heart breaking

Angels are never too good for dirt

You chose to let me get close to you

And, trying as hard as I could to lift you up

All I seem to do is let you down

But

I’m telling you now that I’m sober

I’m not lying to myself anymore

I know that I hurt you too much

And seeing the person that I am

I hate it, and it needs to stop

Thank you for telling me who I am

I will do everything in my power

To build you up

But, when I let you down, again

I’ll just spiral

Of no use to anybody

Least of all the one I care about