Some mornings

Some mornings I dont think about it at all when I wake up.
However that doesn't mean it doesn't hit when I walk to the bathroom to get ready.
It doesn't mean that when I step into a cold shower and let it rain down my back that I'm not crying.
I don't care if the water is freezing, Its not like I feel it anyway. The only thing I feel anymore is how my heart seems to tumble down my ribcage, breaking it's way down as you rip it out of my chest every fucking time you kiss him.
And I remember how you used to kiss me like that.
And then I think, if you were able to move one so quickly, what did that mean i was to you?
Does it mean that every fucking breath I wasted to say I love you meant nothing?Was it a useless three word phase l constantly said to hopefully remind you that you were my everything?
Maybe I didn't say it enough.
Some days I just cant seem to speak.
Like I'm at a loss of words to explain how I feel.
And maybe that's just it
There's no way to explain it.
Because I feel so alone out there,
I dont even know if being this broken has ever happened before.
c.b.