Something

It’s been a while since I’ve felt this lost, it feels like drowning but the water is lava and you feel yourself melting and your lungs burn. 

I used to be able to pull myself back up from what was killing me from the inside by putting my time into someone else, anything else but it’s all so far out of reach and my hands are busy covering my ears in attempt to protect them from my own screaming inside my head. 

The pain was bearable at first when I could take in everything else and put my focus on what’s around me, crunching on ice from beneath my feet where just the top of the iceberg was visible. 

But I pulled too much and held too tightly and everything I was standing on slowly melted away and left me drifting. 

A person can only tread icy water for so long before it starts burning and the feeling makes your skin feel like it’s melting off until you feel nothing.

That’s the thing though I don’t want to feel nothing, I want to feel everything because it means there’s still something to feel for.