Sometimes

On days like today, wen no one seems to notice or really care

I start to question reality, like is this life truly happening?

Tends to happen when I allow my mind to wander too far off

Sometimes I feel as though I am adrift in some faraway place

Like if I were to open my eyes this would all disappear or somehow be changed

Feels as though some cloud hangs over head just waiting to move

I start to ponder everything I know about love and life and everything in between

I feel the thoughts as they pass behind my eyes

Almost as if to read my own mind from the outside

It is a surreal feeling that usually leaves more than it reveals

But allows me to touch the essence of my inner being

Sometimes I try to read too much into the world and people that surround me

It can reach the point where none of life makes sense

Why do things happen the way they do? 

Or why do people do certain things in life that they do?

What exactly is the point of all of this in the end?

I examine every situation I have ever experienced as though it is new for the very first time

Sort of in a daze as if it could not have really happened like that

And maybe that's the point, maybe it never really did

My memory is based on how I perceive the world not on reality in the actual sense of the word

Sometimes I imagine a reality that could be rather than that which actually exists

How things could have been or may end up based on every decision ever made or still to be made

How each new choice effects the next in a never ending chain

Is it possible to chose an outcome not based on prior events?

Or is everything determined by something that came before each happening?

Do I affect my circumstances or do the cards just fall as they will?

I find this happens to me most often when I think on the topic of love

Whether I am in, want, imagine or dream of a relationship real or imaginary

If I feel it is beyond my control I find I question if it is even real at all

This, in turn, causes questions to rise about all of life in general

Which, in turn, causes this unrealistic state in which I occasionally find myself

I find it hard to read or understand you or you actions sometimes

And this always raises up questions in my mind

What exactly am I supposed to think or expect?

Each new experience answers some questions while simultaneously creating others

This allows for some new understanding while creating new confusion at the same time

How does one person handle each new falter or gain?

Each person handles it differently so perhaps there is no right answer or wrong

Perhaps there is only new perspective that can be found

Sometimes it is hard to focus on anything at all

Like everything floats out there, somewhere, just beyond my grasp

Understanding evades me and keeps me always wanting more

I know the answers to a lot of questions internally in my soul

But sometimes I just cannot read clearly what those answers are

I reach out to find answers or at least to find some source

Sometimes answers cannot be seen or pinpointed

That is when thngs begin to blur, seem a tad fuzzy, and distant even

I know that I can never know the answers to every question

But sometimes I find it helpful just to ponder it instead

Sometimes my mind likes to wander

To some far off and distant land

Each time it makes me wander where, how, and who I really am

Sometimes I find some answers

Sometimes I'm left standing with empty hands

But each time I allow a new "mental" adventure I learn a little something new about myself in the end