Sometimes

Sometimes I think of you and smile, then I wish you would drop dead next to me. When we talk my heart screams, "love me!" but my brain cries, "Go Away!" I lay in the bed filled with memories and think of all the times I cried. You were the heart that beat inside of me, and yet sometimes, I wish I would have a heart attack. I should be hollow and shattered now, but you cannot hold me down, not this time. I refuse to be another teenage tragedy, but the noose keeps tightening. I fight for knowledge and to know I have worth, and yet you make me feel useless. Before I was unable to cope, but this time I will learn. I will rise. I will conquer. Sometimes I love you with every being and all my heart..... but sometimes, I wish you had never exisited.