Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget.
And oh the bliss that comes along with
these moments of unforeseen abstraction.

The bliss that helps me remember
What it is to be a child:
happy,
innocent,
and oblivious.

Oblivious to my own relentless suffering.

Oblivious to the pain of others,

and the destruction of the fragile

bonds that keep the world going.

But then I stand up.
And I see myself,
in the scrutinizing mirror upon my bedroom wall.

And I remember.

I remember that I am not
What I dream to be.
I remember that I am not
good enough for myself let alone others.
I remember how much
I loathe my own presence.

I remember all.
And the pain,

floods my inner self.
It plagues my mind
and poisons my soul

And oh what I would give to forget again.

To forget all of the poisonous thoughts
that run through my mind.
To forget the calling of death.
To forget what I have done to myself
and what others have done to me.

And deep down inside,
I know that all of this
is temporary

So I just need to remember,
to forget.