Sometimes it occurs to me

That everything I struggle with

Is because of you

You will never wear a welcome mat

As well as the porch steps

And now I struggle

To answer my front door

You will never love me the correct way

But you know how

So you should have taught me anyways

Because now I struggle

With loving others the correct way

And I hurt them

Just like you hurt me

You taught me not to trust

Soft hands and pretty words

Now I don’t know how to believe people

When they say they care

You never showed me how to say “I love you”

And now I don’t know how to respond

When those words are said to me

All you do is take and take and take

And you never give back

And I see the way it hurts people,

Including yourself,

And now I struggle to let others

Do anything for me

Because I’m afraid I’ll never be able to repay them

Your hands are stained

With the blood of your past lovers

And you taught me that

No one will ever want to stay,

So leave before they do

 

But sometimes it occurs to me

That I don’t want to be like you

I want to open doors for strangers

I want to love people and

I want to believe that people can love me back

I want to accept help from others

Because people need other people

And sometimes you can’t do everything on your own

And maybe I can repay them

With love and gratitude

Because sometimes that is enough

I want to believe that love exists

I want to believe that loving someone

Does not make me weak

I want to be everything you’re not

And sometimes it occurs to me

That I will be better

Because I am not you