Soon to be me

i hate it here

soon enough i'll go back to a place

were i call it home 

its not so calm 

but sometimes 

i get used to the arguing constintly

i guess this is helping 

i dont feel dead anymore 

even though im not with my mother at the moment 

i might disrespect 

and be rude 

i still love her 

i want to see her happy 

even if it means changing myself 

or helping myself as she calls it 

to see her smile 

i love my mother

she means the world to me 

she's been there for me through thick and thin 

i want to prove to her that i can change 

that i can improve and change myself 

that being in the hospital can change me 

yes, i am in a hospital 

but i'm not crazy 

i just need to learn to be stable again

and i might make mistakes along the way 

yet i still realize them i don't work on them myself 

that is why i'm here but i'm doing better

im improving

and growing as a person 

and also learning to be me, while still being free 

it's okay that i am here 

i just want to be better 

i don't want to break down anymore 

i want to be able to listen to a song without crying 

i know this will help

and being on pills doesnt make me crazy 

it's just a mood stablizer 

helps me stay on track without slipping up and on edge anymore 

i'm soon to be me