Sorry...

Sorry…

I’m sorry.

I know you want to understand what I say.

You sit on FaceTime with me and listen to what I say,

Make me laugh, argue my beliefs because you like when I get defensive,

The next thing we know it’s 3am and I’m falling in an out of sleep,

You sit there and say something, watch my eyes try to stay open.

I told you ‘I Love You’ and you said it too.

Then one day, I told you.

‘I’m not okay, and I need you to understand me when I say it’s not your fault’

You tell me how much you love me and that you’re always gonna be there, that

‘Even if you hated me and never talked to me again, I will still love you’

I still believe you.

I come sit at your house, you parents wonder why we sit in the car for hours.

Truth is, it couldn’t be any better.

Sitting close, talking like there’s nothing else, never not having something to say.

A while ago, before we were close,

I would sit and visit you at work when I got out for 3 hours sometimes, just to see you.

You told me how you and her broke up,

How sad you were at first.

Now you’re over it.

Back to reality.

She starts in.

Visiting you, coming to your house, texting you.

‘There are things I want to tell you but I don’t want you to get hurt’ and

‘It has nothing to do with what you and i have going on, just a thought’

I’ve been sad all day, there’s nothing you can say that will make me more sad, i say.

‘The texts, the visits, everything makes me miss her in a way, but I can never get back together with her’

I go off.

Do it. If you do, im done. I’m gone and you will never, ever speak to me again.

He replies after a second and says he never will, just that she makes it hard.

Why?

Because shes fake nice after she taunted me for 3 months and is trying to fuck with you?

Then it comes.

The next few days, I barely leave my bed.

You barely talk to me because you’re trying to get back at me for not talking to you?

I want to be mad, but I love you.

I love you so much it hurts.

And im young, my dad would have said.

Young and this isn’t your first or last. You’re not dating him though,

Yeah, you’d be right.

But one thing I know for sure is this;

Love and heartbreak from someone you’re not even dating hurts like a motherfucker.

Been there and back a couple times in my life.