The Sound of Silence

I know I don’t talk much

you don’t have to tell me.

But I’ve been traumatized and embarassed

way too many times to say anything.

I know what it’s like to be judged,

criticized, for every move that you make

every word that you say.

‘Cause I make a fool of myself,

say the wrong thing.

My words are like heavy stones skipped into the river,

left sinking to the bottom.

They were once magical.

But, now they’re forgotten-

Brought down by the fear of humiliating myself

I shut down, and gave up.

I let the thoughts consume me.

But now, I’ve realized

That words are important, I don’t want to waste them.

So i hold onto them like a mother clutches onto her scared child

To keep them safe.

So I listen more than I should

and think more than this tiny brain can handle,

but I like the silence.

It surrounds me like a warm, thick blanket on a cold winter’s night

enveloping me in comfort, wrapping its peaceful arms around me.

It’s a place where I don’t have to think

Everything’s erased like writing on a chalkboard

and I kinda need to clap out the erasers

But, I’m working on it.

Hush.

This is the space between what is unspoken and spoken

I’d like to choose the latter, but sometimes my body won’t let me.

These thoughts can have a mind of their own,

they just want to be voiced.

told to the world

I’m just too selfish to share.

I want to keep them all to myself.

like a dog who buried its bone in the corner of the backyard

so no one else will find it

I just save them for later.

I‘ll come back to them, when I need to.

I will overcome this fear

and speak my mind.

Because I have my whole life ahead of me

and I don’t want to spend it beneath this curtain I call silence.

A scared life is not what I had intended.

I’ll find the courage within me- eventually.

That, I can promise you.

I know I don’t talk much,  

Trust me, I know.