Speaking Out

Being independent is often considered having the ability to go through life without asking for help from others. Yet, there is more to being independent than having the ability of accomplishing everything on your own. It is important to know that there are moments where the situation is beyond our ability to solve and its o.k. to accept help. I have learned this lesson harshly. A year ago my mother went to Mexico to visit my father and took my older sister with her.  She couldn’t risk taking my little Katherine and me with her, so she left us behind.

I just turned fifteen, an age in my culture where I was considered an adult, and thought that I was strong enough to look after Kathy. I fed her, changed her, and got her ready for bed like the big sister I was. I did everything I could to make Kathy happy, and not worry about her missing mom and sister. However, I couldn’t give her the one thing she needed the most during a time like this. I couldn’t give Kathy the unconditional love that my mom always gave her and made her feel safe. I was so busy worrying about keeping Kathy happy, and about my mom and sister, that I wasn’t looking after myself. I spent many days not eating and after Katherine fell asleep, I would cry until I ran out of tears. Matters turned worse when the refrigerator broke down, spoiling all the food that was left for Kathy and me.

I tried to control everything by myself and didn’t want anyone to worry about us, so I didn’t mention what was happening to my uncle who was looking after us. It wasn’t until a family friend, Dona Nely, came to visit us and saw how empty I looked. She brought up the idea of looking after Katherine for a couple of days until I could concentrate again and care after myself. I was selfish at first and didn’t want her to leave my side because I wanted to prove that I could look after the both of us. But deep down, I knew Dona Nelly could give Kathy the protection she deserved from a mother, so I agreed.

During that time my uncle bought a new fridge and we replaced the tarnished food. I did my best to talk with Dona Nely about the problems I was enduring and helped me solve them as she looked after Kathy. My uncle worked frequently and I was often alone, so Dona Nely came and kept me company. When my mom and sister returned, I started speaking to my mom more frequently whenever I am worried about something or feel overwhelmed. Since then I have learned to ask for help when I am incapable of solving something on my own like how at school I have become persistent to ask my teachers for help when I needed it.

When you offer your hand to someone, you are offering your time to guide another. Yet, to the receiving party, it can be seen as a white flag of defeat. I was selfish thinking that I could care after my little sister and myself when I had not finished growing up myself. I had to face that I was not as independent as I thought I was. By the end of the week, I learned that accepting help from other is not a sign of weakness, but an understanding that you are beyond your limits and need the guidance of others. Everyone needs some sort of guidance in their life and learning how to speak out is just as important as accepting an outreached hand.