Spes Mea

College.

A big word, a thrilling word, a costly word, a scary word.

There was a time when that word meant very little to me,

A vague term that had nothing to do with my life.

Now it draws ever closer,

Materializing out of the mists of ignorance

And into my field of vision,

And sometimes thoughts of my future -

Fears for what remains unknown -

Paralyze me.

But what if

I take that leap

What if

I take a deep breath,

Jump off that ledge,

And land

Somewhere I never could have imagined -

Better than I could have imagined?

I want stability,

I want security,

I want community,

I want joy.

I don’t know if that’s what I’m going to find when I get where I’m going -

But I have to trust I’ll find something good.

And I’d rather trip

And skin a knee or two

Than never to have jumped and all.

These are the words I say

To me,

The woman in the mirror

Who weeps, and writes, and hopes, and fears for her future.

“You will be okay;

And maybe,

You will be infinitely better

Than okay.”