Spiked Coffee

I watched my mother spill wine into her coffee

And swallow it down with the pieces of her broken heart

And I bit down on the straw dipping into my diet coke

Snow kisses the ground and kills all of the plants

And fuck, I don’t think we were ever in love

But it hurt so badly when it ended

I don’t know what else it could’ve been

Because high school crushes can’t kill you

But I was so sedated

My mother switched to vodka

And I was the girl that wasn’t afraid of anything

I was the girl walking in the middle of the street

And kissing boys without getting dizzy

And now I’m too terrified to breathe

Because the air around me is laced with you

And jesus christ I think I’m dying

And I’ve been drinking vodka too

I swear to god when I grow up and have a daughter

I’ll never let her anywhere near boys like you

Boys that make you fall in love with the bottoms of liquor bottles

And put you to sleep just to wake you up and break you all over again

And I’ll never let her see me spiking my coffee with alcohol

Or let her notice the teardrops staining my pillowcase

Because I thought this was love

But we were never in love

Love isn’t supposed to feel like earthquakes in your chest

Or tsunamis in your throat

But it does

Oh God, it does