Squint

Sometimes I close my eyes and it's your face that's behind my eyelids.
I can't ignore it but I squint hard trying to push whatever's left of you from my mind.
And I hate that I feel this way, that I'm so attached.
But I never loved a person as much as I loved you.
It was the most genuine, and selfless love that I could give.
You were my best friend and my safe place.
Your bony shoulder was a place to catch my tears.
And your hands were there to hold mine when I needed comfort.
With you, I didn't feel alone. I felt appreciated. I felt needed.
You were terrible to me sometimes, so goddamn unkind.
But I thought I needed you so I held on so tightly.
I can't say that I regret it because there's not a single moment I wouldn't repeat again.
But knowing you're gone and I'm out of your mind kills me.
It really fucking kills me.
Especially when I close my eyes and it's your face that's behind my eyelids.
So I squint.