stagnation

You see

It wasnt always this way

when the time passed it brought colors

for sometime its only gifted grey

its a mindset they say

trapped in my own behavior

the devil next door

i sought him as saviour

condemned to my hurt
a product of badly spent labors
of heart , 

of mind, 

of soul, 

of truth.

efforts I prayed to reap, 

stole them like the grinch, 

dreams lain in a heap.

the mask was lifted slowly from my eyes, 

beliefs believed , 

no longer recognized as real. 

admist a shit storm of my own skeleton lies. 

These days I'm a lil anxious

maybe a bit too unsure

all i know is 

last time i drank the poison,

thinking it was the cure. 

no really though I'm an anxious wreck 
ex beauty queen barhopper

for me they broke their necks.
i reveled in the attention ,

the fallacy of WHO I BE

at the time I didnt realize. 
i had turned into 7 sins,

all deadly

Some days,
It's hard to get out of my head, 

only because I had the nightmare again

it makes me toss and turn 

so shit, its even harder to get out of bed.
 

looking for lost treasures
on a map I noted on with crayons

at the time it felt right, 

clearly missing sight

lacking opportunal views at THE LIGHT.

See I wasnt always this way,

agoraphobic anxiety consuming a creative who might burst

I can't wait for the day my writing turns golden

eventually consuming the worst.