Stand On My Own (A Stream of Consciousness)

Don't call me your angel. Don't call me your baby girl. I can't possibly belong to anyone. It's not by choice. It's just my destiny. I was meant to stand alone, an icon of myself. I was meant to be strong and a leader all my own. I'm hard to love because I'm so hard to handle. God has other purposes for me than belonging to someone. I belong to myself, and it gets hard when even you can't trust yourself sometimes, when you become your own worst enemy. When you start to damage  yourself through perfectionism and insecurities, pulling on your strings. My best friend needs to be myself. My only hero is me. I simply can't let anyone get close to my heart. I don't doubt their love. I doubt their love for the true me. I doubt their love is anything but  an ideal of the things they see. I'm afraid to love anymore because my past has trained me that getting close means impending heartbreak. I'm such a conflicting contradiction.  When I love, I love so hard. Then I back away suddenly out of fear. I take things too quickly because there's too much passion and so much love to give. I want to love, I want to love, I want to love. But I don't think I'm supposed to.  

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