Standing On My Own

Elementary School. 

I was friends with everyone, eating lunch with anyone, running around with the people I was sure knew me. We would talk about nothing, laugh at everything, and pass silly notes making sure the teacher didn’t see. 

I cared about the friends around me, I never wanted to see them unhappy and I did what I could to make sure they wouldn’t be. 

I hung out with whoever, spending the time I hoped would pay off in friendships that I was certain would last forever. 

Middle School. 

I was in a new district. New faces, new people. But I expected commonalities like a well-known movie sequel. I fell into a group of friends and again the trend started. I was putting others before myself because I wanted to be open-hearted. 

I started with a lot of friends but by the end of this chapter, there were only a few. This was a concept to me that was fairly new.  

I assumed I would be alright because I had made a new best friend.

 One I was certain would last till the very end. 

High School. 

Everyone had their groups and their cliques that matched their personalities. And over the next few years, I got a sour taste of reality. I realized not everyone wants to be your friend. And the friends you already have might be nothing short of other than. Despite putting her needs before my own, staying up talking about boy problems, our futures and the great unknown. 

The one friend I thought I would have for years cut me off and exposed to me one of my greatest fears... 

Loneliness. 

But by forcing me to face this fear, I was also forced to grow. I couldn’t be a people pleaser and try to befriend everyone I know. 

I had to learn to be independent, how to guard my heart and other things that are easier said than shown. 

I had to learn to be ok with standing on my own.