Still Hurting

I'm not okay

is that what you wanted to hear?

Needed to hear?

Well great good for you

Because I'm still hurting

When we first met I sent hours agonizing over you

What it'd be like to talk to you

Or heaven forbid date you

Until I got to know the real you

I let you lead me to believe I was perfect

That is until I didn't abide by your rules

Because I loved you I would appologize for breaking those rules

But you wouldn't applogize making me feel worthess

Your words hurt

I couldn't just shrugged it off

Because I loved you

I committed to the abuse

I let you hurt me time an time again

because I loved you

Early March

I didn't understand why you got fed up

I didn't undertad why you loved fghting

I didn't understand why no didn't work

I didn't understand why you were afraid I'd leave

You, I didn't understand you 

Becuase I loved you I'm scared

Scared of boys

Scared they'll see me the way you did

Scared of being alone

Scared to fall in love only to be left with scars

I'm terrifed of meeting another you

Because I thought you loved me

Your words bit and clawed at my self-esteem

It all sunk in so deep

The road to recovery was long and rough

Cuts so deep they left invisible scars

Because I loved you

Suffication became the norm

I missed all the warning signs

You were my shining light

The reality was drowning in tar

Because I thought I knew what love is

I'm cracked china

No longer valuable

Slowly becoming less recognizable

Because I loved you

I can't let go

Examining myself to see if the scars are still visible

The box in the room getting heavier

Maybe one day I'll bandage those scars

I'm still hurting and he's fine