still spins

what would happen

what would happen if i did

step out into traffic

jump off a bridge

eat those extra pills

what would happen

i imagine a lot the aftermath

never the pain

never the relief

never what i feel

the cost of being selfless i guess

i imagine my mother being called into the office at work or finding me on my untidy bedroom floor and screaming

i imagine my father getting the call at work and not shedding a tear

i imagine my sister in school getting called down to the office and hearing the news not being able to think straight and crying like she did for Nala

i imagine my brother waking up late to a phone call and hearing that his little sister his favorite sister is dead

i imagine all my friends i would have addressed in the letter and their reactions when told

i imagine the teachers i was close with hearing through an email circulating through the school

i imagine if i am in a fancy dress or in day old pajamas

i imagine if my room is clean or if it's untidy as usual

what would happen if i did

what would happen if anyone did

the world will still spin

thats why so many have done it