Stitches

Statistics show that psychologically, boys will grow up and want to marry a woman like their mother, and girls a man like their father Dad, How do you expect me to find a good man when I have grown up learning that I am only deserving of spending minimum time with, then disappearing on the weekends That I deserve to never be told the God-honest truth That I deserve a man who cant be honest with himself, and blames others for his mistakes and still expects unconditional love – I have been conditioned to believe that, and you better believe that its because of you For as much as you didn’t like my ex, you two are more alike in your dysfunctions than either of you would like to admit Probably explains why I was with him for so long – my undying desire to be loved by him, and the “unconditional love” I let myself suffer through for the sake of an empty promise – a situation I am all too familiar with and one that I am twistedly comfortable in See I’m 21. And I used to think I spent four years in a fucked up relationship; but I see now that I have spent all but five learning to be neglected, unappreciated and mistreated by the man I love most… I have found a good man. He is kind, honest, and considerate and JUST when things get good that seed of doubt I have learned to turn to sprouts in to the claws of worry, grab the snag in my self-confidence, and yank the thread of my insecurities until I am unraveled… just like you and him always wanted me to be…because its easier to twist and break a thread than it is to twist and break the entwined bind of a confident person So from this poem forward, I will stitch myself back together, tie up the loose ends, and cut you the fuck off from my heart-strings. It may not be a perfect stitch, I’m not good at domestic shit, but I can promise you, I will stop planting the infectious seeds of doubt in the gardens of my heart and just lay in it. Look to the skies because He is the only Father I need to concern myself with anymore. Dad, How do you expect me to find a good man? I stop searching for you.