The storm

Growing up, "because I love you" was a phrase said after the lightning and thunder, that once filled the mouths of my mother and father had gone. And the clouds that once hung heavy Over the room had diminished.

"Because I love you" was always used to justify the many storms that passed over our house. or any lightning strike that spewed out of the mouth ‘s of my mother or fauther in my direction. with intentions to strike me but most times missing. I never understood why the love portrayed on tv, and the love I saw outside of my dark and gloomy house were so vibrant, and filled with so much passion and light. It was so different from the Lightning and thunder that I knew as love. Although I grew up in stormy weather, I always searched for the light. I always searched for the vibrant, raw, and beautiful passion that I saw all around me. The type of love that is never neglecting or jealous, but strong and filled with trust and compassion.

The type of love that is both verbal and non-verbal. love that is understood by both people in a relationship.

And is never meant for three or one, but only for two.  The type of love that doesn’t hurt.

But feels like electricity and a surge of happiness is flowing through your body.

And every time they touch you both your Atoms, and their Atoms know that they have found the missing piece to their chemical equation.

 love so strong and pure you won’t have to be scared to trust them, or scared that they will make you regret trusting them.

The type of love that is patient and kind, love that prevails even when the body withers away.

The type of love that even when you tell them to go, to leave you alone, they say no…

and when you ask why?... they say, “because I love you”. 

Although darkness and stormy weather has followed me most of my life, and I’ve never had a good example of the light I am still to this day in search of, I still have hope that one day I’ll have a vibrant connection with someone. I still have hope even though all I have attracted to myself are significant others that resemble the characteristics of my parents. With their mouths filled with lightning and strong winds that push and pull me close and then away from them.

 I still have hope that is day by day slowly fading away,

the connection I’ve longed for with someone all my life may not be a possibility.

I fear that the storm may be too strong, so strong that it may already.

be within me instead of around me.