Storms and Clarity

My wrists are clear but my head is not Everyone seems so proud But I still hate myself I have so many If the things I wanted The things that make me happy And yet I'm already empty Head spins around in Clouds of darkness Then suddenly dawn breaks And blinds me with brightness One moment I feel Pure joy and real happiness The next my heart Is black, empty pit I am not really The opposite of happy As no such thing Really even exists It's like the opposite Of light or The opposite of Loudness There is no such thing Just the lack of Light or lack of Any sound at all Full and empty Opposite ends of A spectrum twisted Into a Möbius strip They are so far Apart yet they still Touch and meet Yet twist and turn And searching for My happy place Is endless just the same Trying to chase after what Brings me joy is As exhausting as children Counting beads on bracelets Round and round Over and over Just like the earth As it spins and whirls I continues to struggle As others think that I'm doing so well Finally have life figured out They have no idea They are in the eye Of the storm and Cannot see the coming aftermath Inside my soul the storm Rages on as I try to calm everyone and ignoring The sirens by screaming louder The outbursts that are "Just how I am" Are an attempt to Protect their opinions of me My wrists are clear but my head is not Everyone seems so proud But I still hate myself