storms or something like that

i fell in love with a thunderstorm, once

all i had known was the static of hair-and-balloon experiments

but she was cracking thunder and sky shattering lightning

that sent electricity flooding through my bones

            science lessons could never compare again

she was a teeth-chattering, house-shaking, peach-lips-turned-blue storm

there was a heaviness in the air i couldn’t shake

always condensation against bare skin

            we were anchored by the crescendo of the downpour

        i learned too late that water conducts electricity

i fell in love with a tornado, once

letter-of-the-law was ingrained in my skin

but she was transient instability and perpetual motion

            erratic disappearances and fleeting touches

she dropped stones in my hand and blew dandelions in my hair

i was swept up by the unbroken music of her laugh

stairwell dancing replaced responsibilities

with her my breath seemed to escape me

            i couldn’t hold on to anything long enough to catch it

        my legs had nearly forgotten the feel of stable ground

i fell in love with a blizzard, once

my life had been protection, layers, hot chocolate

but she was windshield-splintering hail and iced-over snow

i left behind billowy coats in favor of snowflakes on my tongue 

            adrenaline nearly made me forget the numbness

the harsh beauty of the crystalized storm captivated me

i barely noticed when white flakes hid the world I had known

the cold bit at my cheekbones more when i smiled

            i learned it was easier not to

        my frosted veins still haven’t fully thawed

i fell in love with these storms, once

the exhilaration of uncertainty became my addiction

love was instability and momentary beauty

it came with cracking at the edges and midnight breakdowns

            lightning could not pick up my pieces

connections became synonymous with toxicity 

dependency led to desensitization

the wind scattered my identity into barely recognizable pieces

            ice slipped into cracks i couldn’t repair

        healthy relationship seemed an oxymoron

i fell in love with the quiet, once

you are comfortable silence on my mother’s couch

nights spent learning how to swing dance from grainy videos

going on 15 minute drives and ending up lost a state away

            unobtrusive laughter over bought-in-bulk bags of goldfish

you are sushi and calculus and late night ice cream

trivial arguments over time and proper broom technique

selfless gentleness despite unimaginable grief

            messy tranquility and disorganized charm

        my instinct is you.