The third of the three
sibling to a he and she
I am the smallest
my mind is most free
I daydream
they play
each day
we wither away
even as
i dream

A new house
a new start
a new school
a new dog
it is not long
mommy says he's gone
I dont understand
I cry
without knowing
what it is
we've lost

it's only her now
she and us
she finds us a sitter
she works
each night
it is rare to see her
years pass
we have not heard
from him
who left us
he is gone
like the wind

i draw
she plays sports
he plays games
we do not realize
her cause of pain
she falls in love
but it cannot be
he shares a vow
with one who's unseen

her pain
it grows
til she finds
she cannot hold
praying to the one
who holds her love's vow
she asks for strength
but doesn't ask how
she takes a bottle
filled with pills
then drinks a swig
from a bottle
clear
but has no water

they tell us it was an accident
he and she know
but i am unaware
he comes back
to care for us
while she is gone
to a place
where the walls are white
he tries his best
the teachers ask
if I'm all right
they think i know
what happened to her
they lie to me
when they find
i am ignorant
to her decisions

i am getting worse
it was gone they say
they take tests
with wires stuck
on my body
they give me
my teddy
and say hold still
no metal allowed
lay down
dont fall asleep
the sounds i think
remind me of videogames
in this white tunnel
as if
i am being devoured
by a snake

they tell me to take
these colorful spheres
i break one open
they are filled with powder

i cannot think
they say my dreams
are bad
something lies beneath
my eyes are unseeing
mommy cries
tries to apologize
but still
i do not understand

She is in love again
we do not meet him
until after
she tells us
she is taking
his name for hers
we are confused
before the fall
they are married
after he moves in
another he moves out
it is just she
and i now
two of three
missing a brother

she becomes sick
the new couple tell her
she is faking it
there is nothing wrong
it is in her head
she cannot go back
her education delayed
a year she lays
soaking in pain
no one believes her
the man who moved in
becomes threatening
he chases her down
slamming doors
fists in our faces
she leaves us
for the one who left
now it is just me
one of three
an only child

i am growing up
i can feel it now
i meet a boy
and we fall in love
it is a few months
before his clever insistance
cracks my carefully built
wall of resistance
i keep myself firm
where i stand
the subject
he is determined to breach
is one on which
i will not move
he becomes frustrated
he finds another
says he never loved
someone as awful
as I

I am determined
to cause him regret
I lose 8 sizes
until i find
i am in love again
I am happy
my life feels perfect

The one who threatens
who believes it is he
who holds authority
becomes aggressive
i live my life
in fear of his anger
i develop another
social disorder
selective anxiety
i am sensitive to his anger
able to tell
when it is surfacing

i hide in my room
and spend nights
with my love
who makes me feel
as if i am safe
sometimes he finds me
i cry for hours
i feel in danger
in my own house
i attempt acts of bravery
done by those deemed
cowardly and selfish
by society
i am unable to feel
unable to end my pain
i am too weak

i am getting worse
the man who left
and my mother
fight over bills
payed to fix me
he doesnt think i need them

he has disowned me
as his own blood

i am unable to escape
the terror of my house

hope dawns on the horizon
the promise of something higher
the beginning of what i need
to escape a soul on fire