The Story of Me

The third of the three sibling to a he and she I am the smallest my mind is most free I daydream they play each day we wither away even as i dream A new house a new start a new school a new dog it is not long mommy says he's gone I dont understand I cry without knowing what it is we've lost it's only her now she and us she finds us a sitter she works each night it is rare to see her years pass we have not heard from him who left us he is gone like the wind i draw she plays sports he plays games we do not realize her cause of pain she falls in love but it cannot be he shares a vow with one who's unseen her pain it grows til she finds she cannot hold praying to the one who holds her love's vow she asks for strength but doesn't ask how she takes a bottle filled with pills then drinks a swig from a bottle clear but has no water they tell us it was an accident he and she know but i am unaware he comes back to care for us while she is gone to a place where the walls are white he tries his best the teachers ask if I'm all right they think i know what happened to her they lie to me when they find i am ignorant to her decisions i am getting worse it was gone they say they take tests with wires stuck on my body they give me my teddy and say hold still no metal allowed lay down dont fall asleep the sounds i think remind me of videogames in this white tunnel as if i am being devoured by a snake they tell me to take these colorful spheres i break one open they are filled with powder i cannot think they say my dreams are bad something lies beneath my eyes are unseeing mommy cries tries to apologize but still i do not understand She is in love again we do not meet him until after she tells us she is taking his name for hers we are confused before the fall they are married after he moves in another he moves out it is just she and i now two of three missing a brother she becomes sick the new couple tell her she is faking it there is nothing wrong it is in her head she cannot go back her education delayed a year she lays soaking in pain no one believes her the man who moved in becomes threatening he chases her down slamming doors fists in our faces she leaves us for the one who left now it is just me one of three an only child i am growing up i can feel it now i meet a boy and we fall in love it is a few months before his clever insistance cracks my carefully built wall of resistance i keep myself firm where i stand the subject he is determined to breach is one on which i will not move he becomes frustrated he finds another says he never loved someone as awful as I I am determined to cause him regret I lose 8 sizes until i find i am in love again I am happy my life feels perfect The one who threatens who believes it is he who holds authority becomes aggressive i live my life in fear of his anger i develop another social disorder selective anxiety i am sensitive to his anger able to tell when it is surfacing i hide in my room and spend nights with my love who makes me feel as if i am safe sometimes he finds me i cry for hours i feel in danger in my own house i attempt acts of bravery done by those deemed cowardly and selfish by society i am unable to feel unable to end my pain i am too weak i am getting worse the man who left and my mother fight over bills payed to fix me he doesnt think i need them he has disowned me as his own blood i am unable to escape the terror of my house hope dawns on the horizon the promise of something higher the beginning of what i need to escape a soul on fire