Strange

It's so strange.

Moving every photo of you to a hidden folder that I don't have to look at everyday.

Not ending on bad terms but not wanting to even look or talk to you.

Having you still be the first person who shows up whenever I go to share a post. Slowly going from the cute happy side of Instagram to the sad poetry. Seeing so many things that remind me of you in my room alone. It's heartbreaking. 

It's so strange to not be yours anymore.

Everything was perfect just yesterday. Why did I have to say something and ruin it? It's crushing. 

It's so strange for it to hurt so bad I cry for hours on end until I throw up and pass out. To think I won't love again. I finally trusted enough to give my all again, and it failed. For my eyes to be so swollen I can barely see, and to change my makeup to hide behind it. To not eat for days to the point I feel faint. It's awful. 

It's so strange to want to destroy myself to be with you. To have to act fine during the day only to break down again every night. To be willing to pretend again. It's shattering. 

(Pt2) You said you wanted to try for us to work; To really try

What happened?

You gave us not even 2 weeks before you left again. You said you felt like an idiot the first time you left, but now you'd be so unaffected?

"Maybe if I love him hard enough he'll stay" I wish that were true.Love isn't supposed to hurt like this

Was I too much?You couldn't handle the stress of worrying about me but I never asked you to. I didn't want your loose advice, I wanted your support and comfort. You came up to me the first time we broke up saying,"I can't imagine a future without you"

How the fuck did we go from having sex in the back seat of your car to saying it was over? How did we go from saying,"you're mine no one else can have you" to "this relationship isn't worth fighting for"

It shattered me to see the theme on our messages go from love to monochrome. It shattered me to see all of our couples apps now gone.When I told you I had a crush on you, I didn't expect it to crush me. 

To wake up and tell myself,"he's not apart of your world anymore" but still be surrounded by memories that come flooding back every second and I start to drown in them. I will forever be keeping my hair straight because I know you preferred the curls. You don't deserve to know me anymore, so I will change and be someone better without you, no matter how badly I want you. We shouldn't have to feel bad for outgrowing each other when we had the chance to grow with each other.