Strength Defines Me
I am f*cking awesome
It is so hard to remember sometimes
I am kind, and smart, and f*cking compassionate
So you can just shut up
You lurk in the back of my skull
You coward (You are so not awesome)
Hide in the folds of my occipital lobe
Like an eel in a coral cave
Ugly eyes squinting, heavy jaw hanging open
Tasting the sea, waiting to strike
The moment I feel uncertain
When I am thrust into a chat I am not ready for
A crowd where I know no one
A presentation in front of judging eyes
You attack, and I hear
“You’re boring them! Say something interesting for once!”
“Why are you so nervous? Calm down you freak.”
“God, why can’t you just be normal?”
This oily voice in my head
Oozing from your creaking jaw
Ringed with cruelly sharp teeth
It stabs, and rips
And I bleed
But I am awesome
I wipe off the blood
Feel it squelch between my fingers
As I curl them into a fist
And then I punch you in the f*cking face
“I’m interesting, and people like talking to me.”
“It’s okay to be nervous.”
“No, I’m not normal. I’m awesome.”
I will beat you again and again
Back into the darkness
Because not only am I kind, and smart, and compassionate
I am strong
I run my own life, you sneaky bastard
You can slander me all you want
I know, I am awesome
And my social anxiety does not define me