Strength Defines Me

I am f*cking awesome

It is so hard to remember sometimes

I am kind, and smart, and f*cking compassionate

So you can just shut up

You lurk in the back of my skull

You coward (You are so not awesome)

Hide in the folds of my occipital lobe

Like an eel in a coral cave

Ugly eyes squinting, heavy jaw hanging open

Tasting the sea, waiting to strike

The moment I feel uncertain

When I am thrust into a chat I am not ready for

A crowd where I know no one

A presentation in front of judging eyes

You attack, and I hear

“You’re boring them! Say something interesting for once!”

“Why are you so nervous? Calm down you freak.”

“God, why can’t you just be normal?”

This oily voice in my head

Oozing from your creaking jaw

Ringed with cruelly sharp teeth

It stabs, and rips

And I bleed

But I am awesome

I wipe off the blood

Feel it squelch between my fingers 

As I curl them into a fist

And then I punch you in the f*cking face

“I’m interesting, and people like talking to me.”

“It’s okay to be nervous.”
“No, I’m not normal. I’m awesome.”

I will beat you again and again

Back into the darkness

Because not only am I kind, and smart, and compassionate

I am strong

I run my own life, you sneaky bastard

You can slander me all you want

I know, I am awesome 

And my social anxiety does not define me