Strong is not the word I'm looking for (Part 1 of 12)

January:  

My coworkers left me

I was alone

Working with hundreds of students

Unsure of how to handle myself 

Her mother died

I didn't know how to react 

I was sorry but could not empathize 

I helped her organize files for her estate 

I didn't see my friends for three weeks 

I was lonely

I ate more than I should have

I felt like I didn't have a life 

When I did see my friends, it was awkward 

because we hadn't seen each other for a year

and we had changed

Our washing machine broke

and I woke up early to do the laundry every day with her

I worked 7 hours a day

the pay was good

but I was tired afterward because I hadn't worked that much before

It was my first job 

I didn't want to return to school

My friend was supposed to be in my class, but he dropped it

I was left on my own

I couldn't drop it because I needed that class

and that was the only section that accommodated my work schedule 

I shouldn't have prioritized work over school, but I needed to work to pay for school

How are college students expected to do well in school if they have to work to afford an education? 

I signed up for a workshop class that helped me get financial aid, but it didn't count toward my degree

Looking back, I should've taken another GE because that workshop was stupid

The leader wasn't even good, and I don't know why he was hired 

His social skills were subpar although interpersonal skills were important for his position 

With work and school, I couldn't see my friends anymore

I still saw him, though, and I was grateful our breaks aligned with each other's

Nonetheless, I missed my friends

But I had my family 

I was thankful for them, but I needed time to socialize with others 

I no longer liked him, but I liked the person he introduced me to

The problem was he never reached out to me after December

So I thought we were done, but I hoped our paths would cross again 

Sure enough, they did, but when they did, he scared me 

Because he was awkward, I pitied him

but because he was cute, I also liked him

I cannot explain infatuation 

He should've known to not creep up on me

and I blame myself for hanging up my phone to say hi to him 

I wish I had walked away from him and continued talking on my phone, ignoring him because it was rude of him to interrupt me