Stuck

You feel stuck. Like you’re being held captive in your own head. Like you’re screaming for help and no one can hear you. It feels almost like a dark room. With your own voice telling you that you don’t deserve to be here. That you will never be good enough. That the people in your life would be so much better without you. That you would no longer be a burden to others if you’d just go away. You feel stuck. It’s almost like when you first wake up in the morning and have to adjust to being awake, except you don’t adjust. You just stay in a weird place. Everything almost seems to be muted, except in your head. It’s like there’s a party going on in your head. But not a party you want to be at. It’s like a party of a bunch of people that hate you. Except those people are you. The thought of yourself disgusts you. The idea that someone could love you, for you, hurts. You feel stuck. In a place you don’t know if you’ll ever get out of. In a place of pain, sadness, loneliness. Even though you’re not alone. You know you have people that love you, but you think they shouldn’t. You have people that care, you just wonder why. If you don’t love yourself, how could anyone else love you? You find yourself trying your hardest to make other people smile, other people laugh, other people be happy. What about you? You don’t think you deserve it. Why should you be happy, when you’re just you? You feel stuck. In a place where you feel like your partner deserves more, deserves better. They deserve someone who is happy. They deserve to be care for as well. The deserved to be loved to the fullest and live life to the fullest but they can’t because they deal with you. They deal with you because they have too, but who is there for them? They didn’t sign up for this, but now they’re stuck. They listen to you cry, they listen to you in pain. You’re a burden, they worry about you constantly. They can’t or won’t leave because they don’t know how you’ll handle it. You feel like you make them unhappy everyday just because you feel unhappy. You feel stuck. In a world of chaos, that is your head and a sea of emptiness that you feel in your heart. You feel stuck, because you have this thing called depression.